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God if I have to die, you will have die.
Well, here I am on the eve of my first exam, and im not worried about it at all. Its going to be hard. Im not ready for it. And its the easiest of all 4. Yet I still dont care. Dont know why. No more stress left to give I guess. France is locked in now, as is Hawaii. Ill be in eville for a few days, ill let you know exact dates when I get em. Thats about it.
This first year being over now has got me all thinking. The next two years are supposed to be easier than this first one, and I hear they fly by. Before I know it im going to be in the job market. With a 'reputable' degree, or so they say. Not sure exactly what I want to go into, even if its a lawyer I want to be. Dont worry im not doubting going to law school, theres stuff to do with a law degree besides being a lawyer. I havnt ruled out Jag yet. I havnt ruled out going to grad school and getting a masters in Ethics. I want to start a career at some point though.
At the same time, the closer I get to being done, the more and more I just want to get in my car and take off. Really, if I just left after my last exam, I bet itd be a good two or three weeks before anyone even realized I was gone. Thats not meant to sound self-pitying or anything by the way, its just a realization. I could vanish, get a random job somewhere, find a local bar to be 'my' bar, and just finish up there. Just this growing realization that im never going to get my adventure. It kills me. I hate the real world. It makes me surly thinking this is it. Not that theres anything bad about my life, I just want something bigger, if that makes any sense. I want to get away, not from this town or my life or anything, just this...world. Bah. Disillusionment has led to rambling.
Instead, im going to have a good time this summer. Finish school. Try to find a job in Chicago. I like Chicago. I like feeling near a 'nexus' of the country, at least I feel like somethings going on. Im close enough here in DeKalb to feel like im part of the Chicagoland Area. Though the idea of settling down somewhere terrifies me. Not that I can think of someplace else id rather be. Maybe im just askin too much.
Ive found that im just picking political fights these days. Ive becomed incredibly embittered toward both sides, hence anyone who thinks anything political faces my irrational wrath.
Speaking of politics, congrats to all who went to the March in DC (including my sister). Cheers.
I keep looking at my cat, whos five, and realizing that cats live to like 15 at least. Thats 10 years this cat is gonna see with me. I cant even fathom where ill be in 10 years. Only thing I hope will remain constant is contact will all yallz that read this.
God im whiny. Im going to bed. Wish me luck.